Epiphany
by Porcelain.Heart
Summary: They've been together for a long time, but now, as time is passing, he's become distant and Pansy doesn't know him anymore. HBPFluff!


**Disclaimer**: Don't own. Just playing with them like their _Sims_. (Which I don't own either… Well. I should just shut up.)

**Epiphany**

"I HATE YOU!"

Her voice was so loud and vibrant; it rang like a thousand little tickling bells around the Slytherin common room. Each set of eyes was on the ebony haired girl as she lashed her emotions out. Tears had stained her cheeks with red patches and salty water. Her dark hair, usually placed into an elegant ponytail at the nape of her neck was messy with fly-always.

"Pansy, stop making a scene and listen to me," Draco hissed, grabbing Pansy's forearm and yanking harshly so she was so close his lips pressed to her ear as he whispered, "You don't know what's going on."

Pansy's cheeks glowed. "I don't know?" Hissed Pansy, venomously. "What's that suppose to mean? Of course I know what's going on."

"Pansy.."

"No, you listen to me Draco," She paused taking a deep breath. "All autumn long you've been ignoring me, and you haven't kissed me good morning in over a month! A MONTH DRACO!" Her hands went flying up in distress. "And then I find you cooped up with them!"

"Pansy," Draco started.

Pansy was so furious now that she whole face the color of Gryffindor robes. "Stop interrupting me, Draco."

"Don't—"

"Stop! I'm sick of this. You and me. I'm sick of you pushing me aside and pretending I don't even exists. I've waited long enough for you, and you can't even give me ten minutes of your time? That's all I've asked for. You want a trophy wife? Fine. Go find her, because it isn't going to be me."

She was choking on her words. She didn't really mean them. How could she? She loved him, as much as she would never say aloud, she did. He meant everything to her and more. But she knew her words were powerful and Draco would wake up and smell the air because of them. That's all she wanted. Just for him to realize that he was the one messing everything up, not her.

All year she had been watching over him, in a motherly way fashion, instead of grabbing him by the arm and pushing him into the broom closest, like he had done to her the year before, only to steal a kiss between lessons. Now she was watching him, because he was so distant. She felt as if she didn't know him anymore. The boy who she had played with on kiddy brooms all threw their childhood, and learned to cast their first hex. She didn't know that happy, egoistical boy anymore. He wasn't the same. He hadn't been. He wasn't the same boy who kissed her for the very first time after the Quidditch match when he caught the snitch.

He was so dark now.

"I don't know you." She whispered, softly. Oh how true her words were.

Every pair of eyes were on them. Blue, green, brown, black, violet, and honey orbs watched the two- One tall and blonde, the other smaller and dark. They watched with interest, and with pity, because they knew that this was the end of the mushy couple. It was over.

Draco, oh Draco, he just stood there; his silver eyes narrowed at her, and his expression was… It was lifeless and unreadable. Not the everyday "I won" smirk he had on, or the "Just leave me the hell alone before I kick your arse" smirk. It was so plain and vapid. It ripped Pansy up to see him like this. Even more than it did to walk in on Draco with those two hags! And for the love of Merlin, they were third years!

They weren't doing anything, but that was beside the point. Instead of actually kissing his own girlfriend, he was out with them. Was she no good anymore? Had she lost her light? Or did he want more? He just wanted someone to fuck around with and not feel guilty, because Pansy wanted to be the perfect pureblood girl and wait for that special moment before they actually **did** do something.

His hand, it was still lingering on hers, but no longer was his grip tight, it was relaxed and just barely there. And it was so cold. So numb feeling. She loved his hands. They fit so perfectly in hers. They were large, but he had the softest skin, not even Daphne had hands like his. And she was the skin freak. She would give anything for Draco's pale, golden touched, flawless skin. Anything. But his hands did seem so perfect anymore. Not this cold. She couldn't, she **wouldn't** touch them anymore. Not after this.

She jerked herself free, giving him one last look, her dark eyes basically begging him to stop her, and left. She left him standing there in a crowd full of teenagers, all in shock and watching him. Some had dry lips from their mouths hanging open, others had grins of mischievousness, but him?

Draco hadn't looked so lost in his life. What was he to do? Tell her the truth? Like she would listen. God, he was such a prat. Shit, was all he could think. And her name. It just kept replaying in his mind like a fucking heart beat. It never stopped. Not his mother's wise advise, his father's money, or his own charm was going to bring her back.

She was gone.

Pansy Parkinson had just walked right out of his life. God, how had this happened! It was his fault. His masters fault for everything! Master. Ha. If only he just spit on him right about now. Look at what he had done to him. He was sixteen years old; he wasn't suppose to be holding the fate of his family in his hands.

No longer would he be able to go crawling to Pansy when he needed her. When he needed someone to lash out on, because she was the only one who would put up with it, and she was the only one who had ever seen him close to crying. He wasn't going to be able to grab her hand after Charms and skip next lesson. They would run as fast as they could down those long corridors while others were running to class, and then he'd take her to their spot, while they laughed at the poor Hufflepuff who they trampled over.

God that spot.

He hadn't been there in three months. Not since the day he had arrived back at school. He and Pansy snuck out that night after hours and went there. He kissed her for the first time in a month, and it was so nice. It was the first time in that month that he had been happy. He had forgotten the world around him, and it was just them there.

Many people knew about that spot, but few had ever actually gone there. It was close to the Forbidden Forest, right off the edge of the lake, up on a tiny hill. They could watch Quidditch practice or the games from there. It was the perfect little place. The first time he and Pansy had gone there was after the Yule ball in their forth year; it wasn't romantic, but it was nice, and he kissed her on the cheek, telling her she looked beautiful. It hadn't been till the next year that he really kissed her, after Potter was kicked off the Quidditch team and Draco had caught the snitch, right at that very spot.

"Malfoy?"

A deep voice had awoken him from his trance he had gone in. "What?" He snapped, turning around to see two young girls. Their skin was bubbling up and hair changing.

"It's almost up. We need to get up to the dormitory." The blonde girl with feather hair said, in what Draco recognized to be Goyle. His pudge was starting to stretch the fabric. They needed to be in their own robes.

"Whatever." Draco half whispered, half barked. God, he had to get control of himself. He didn't have time for this. He had a job to do, he couldn't worry about where Pansy had run off to, what danger she was getting into, or who she might have run too. He took one look around the Slytherin common room, most were still watching him, the rest were whispering in low voices. "Mind your own." He snapped, before stepping on heel and following the two. No body bothered to ask him questions, not when he was in a mood.

Once in their dormitory, Draco practically collapsed on his four-poster bed with a growl. God what a night. What fucking night he was having. Moments later, Draco was joined by Crabbe and Goyle, the real ones, who both slantered over to their own beds, staring at him.

"It's not that big a lose, Malfoy." Crabbed said.

"Yeah, there's always Greengrass," Commented Goyle, nodding, "she's much prettier anyway. Parkinson looks like a rat."

**That** was too much. Draco had jumped on Goyle so fast that his neck had popped, and hips cracked. He lounged right at him, his hands coiling around the thicker boys neck. Crabbe gave a girlish shriek and dived under his blanket as if he had just seen Merlin the ghost. They tumbled and rolled right of the four-poster bed, unfortunately, Goyle landed atop of Draco, causing his grip to loosen as he strived to gather air in his lungs.

"Malfoy! What's gotten into you?" Goyle snapped, crawling away for his wand.

Draco was faster and pulled his own from his robe, scrambling off the floor. "Take it back, Goyle, or you wont see another day. You know what I'm capable of don't test me. That is, unless you want our Lord to hear about this? Messing with his precious little Malfoy. Whose side will he really think you're on?" He stepped closer; Goyle dropped his wand to the floor with a clatter. "Good. Now leave. Both of you!"

"Bu- But this is our room too…"

"GO!" He bellowed.

After that they were gone, leaving him there, flooding with anger. His face was pink and his eyes hard. He could feel tears forming, hot angry tears, prickle his eyelashes. He hadn't cried since he had been a boy, and even then, it was rare. The last time he had, was when his father had been taken to Azkaban. He didn't really _cry_, per-say, just became quite angry and his eyes watered up some. Men **don't** cry. Especially not a **Malfoy**. But there he was, crouched down, knuckles white, and eyes watery.

It took all his strength he had left to control himself. It was just enough to make him stand and sit on the edge of his four-poster bed, just as Blaise Zabini came sprinting in, carrying a blonde hair girl in arms, which Draco realized was Daphne Greengrass. He watched the two race back into the armor where Blaise kept his wool cloak.

"Hey, Draco," Daphne said sweetly, as if she were some child, "wanna come play a few rounds in the snow. Blaise managed to get Flitch lost up in some tower at least for the next hour."

Draco watched her closely as she wrapped her arms around the tall, Carmel skinned boy beside her, and nuzzled into his chest. Pansy use to do that to him.

_Over the summer, he had invited her over several times. He had the elves make them special lunches of rice crackers, jams, cheese, caviar, and white wine. He knew Pansy liked white wine, it was her favorite drink, so he made sure that they had given him the best bottle, no matter how mad his father would be, and then he took her to the gardens. _

_They spent all morning working on their summer homework, but when the sun started to really get hot, Draco and she took a break. They stashed their books back up in their bags and just sat there near the flowers. Neither of them of them said anything for a while, until Draco started to feel hungry and got the food the elves had left for them. Pansy giggled when she saw the wine, why Draco still has no clue._

"_It's hot, don't you think, Draco?" Pansy had asked him, giving him a flirty smile. Draco merely shrugged his should and continued to eat the rice crackers. "How about… We go swimming." _

_Draco looked up at her, seeing that glint in her eye and smirked. "In what my flower? We have not the wardrobe. That is---"_

"_Don't even," interrupted Pansy, still smiling and bating her lashes at him. She stood up over him, giving him a nice little view of her blooming body, causing him to gulp with anticipation, and held her hand out for him. He didn't take it immediately, he just stared at it blankly. But finally gave in and took her hand and allowing her to guide him to her._

"_Pansy. Where are we going?" as she began to jog with him still holding onto her, back further behind the gardens. "Pansy?"_

"_Shush. We almost there." She was running again, faster this time, he even heard her chuckle. When they finally stopped, Draco was out of breath slightly and pink faced. It was hot. "See…" She pointed out to a small little lake that Draco hadn't ever seen before. They must have really gone far. "We're going swimming."_

"_What---"_

"_--- Turn around, Draco."_

_He blinked at her. "Why?" He asked, slightly confused. _

_She merely rolled her eyes and sighed. "Because, it isn't proper for you to see my knickers, that's why. I'm going to take my cloths off. And you better not peek." She warned, squeezing his hand and letting it go. "Turn. And stay until I tell you."_

"_Bu-" Ooh, wanted to watch her… _

"_No buts now turn. Or I wont allow you to kiss me goodbye."_

_That glint in her eyes… Draco sighed and turned around, staring up a hill into the massive amount of tree's and wildflowers. They defiantly were not on his families estates anymore. But he could see why Pansy had liked it; there wasn't a soul around with the exception of them, the sand was white, not that muddy sand that they had at Hogwarts around the Black Lake, and the flowers, well, they were a mixture of different flowers, and some Draco could tell were pansies. _

"_Okay, you can turn around." _

_He heard Pansy say after what seemed like ten minutes. When he did, he noticed a large bundle a few feet behind him, consisting of Pansy's robe, her shoes, her jewelry, and her hairclip. He blinked at them, and then looked into the water, there Pansy was, standing up grinning at him, wearing nothing but her underclothing, which left very little for his imagination. She looked like some goddess; her skin was creamy white, almost the color of the sand, speckled with a few light freckles on her shoulder blade, he liked those freckles, her cheeks pink, her dark eyes glittering with excitement, and her hair. Ooh sweet Merlin, she had beautiful hair. It was thick, landing right past her shoulder in damp waves. He lost his breath. He tried to paint that picture of her right then in his head, so when ever he closed his eyes he would see her. Because he had **never** seen Pansy Parkinson so beautiful before._

"_Will you stop staring at me, and just get undressed, already. It boring being alone." She said, waking him from his daydream. _

_He grinned wickedly. 'Your turn flower. Turn around." Pansy rolled her eyes and turned around. He quickly discarded himself of his silk robe, shoes, shirt, and pants, leaving him in only his boxers. Unlike women, men wore more under their robes he noticed._

_The water was cool, but not shocking cold that make your teeth clatter. It was nice. He allowed his legs to become use to the sensation before fully entering the water, and then creeping behind Pansy, who had been humming to herself and playing with a leaf. "I didn't know you had freckles."_

_She gave a small gasp and turned around, though managing too keep her flirty little smirk on her face all the same. 'You wouldn't know."_

"_I like them," He said, wrapping a arm around her waist and trying to pull her closer, "I want to kiss them. Every last one." Said Draco, bring his lips down to her shoulder, but Pansy objected and pulled away, causing him to give a small moan in protest. _

"_If you want them, you have to catch me." _

_And then she was under water, swimming as fast as she could, his and her wands long forgotten on the shore. Draco trailed behind her, but surprisingly she was faster at swimming than he. He had rarely ever swum before, only when he was younger and his family would go on vacation in France or to the islands. But she must have swum more than him. No matter, Draco would always be better at flying than her. They chased each other for what seemed hours, until it became to dark. Pansy made sure too keep distance between the two, and not once ever let him kiss a freckle. It drove him crazy._

"_Turn around again, I need to dress." She ordered._

_Draco sighed. "Can't I have one kiss?"_

"_Nope."_

"_Pansy. Why not?"_

"_Your cat, I'm mouse. I want you to run into every wall you come too, before I allow you to have me. Now, turn around." She said softly, blush creeping at her neck. _

_Draco gave a small groan, but turned around. Pansy dressed quickly, pulling her robe back on, the fine amethyst made her look petite and small, and used her wand to dry her underclothing, and then Draco's. "Okay, you can turn around." She said, as she wrapped her hair around into a small bun, clipping it back._

"_I like your hair down."_

"_It's too hot. Mother gets fussy if I leave it down anyways. Get dressed. I expect your mother should be looking for us." Pansy went on to say, as Draco dressed again. "I don't want to worry her---"_

"_Flower, you know she's not worried. I'm here," Draco smirked, "Now may I have that kiss?"_

_They both had the same grin on their faces. Pansy nodded and took a step closer, closing the space between the two. "I had fun today."_

"_Me too."_

"_Your beautiful, you know."_

"_I know. And your not so bad…"_

"_I'm gorgeous. May I kiss you now?" Draco smirked at her, one arm loosely hanging around her waist, and his other hand brushing the bags around her face out of her eyes. She had the finest little smirk on her face, and was looking at him threw her eyes lashes in a way that made his breath hitch in his throat._

"_Hmmm… I suppose so." She muttered. _

_He didn't kiss her hard like he might have normally, instead it was a gentle, light caress of the lips. She was so warm against his body, he liked that feeling of her being beside him. His lips barely touching hers at first, and then he pulled her closer, allowing her the space she liked to have between them. And then pulled away._

"_A lovely kiss. Thank you." She chirped, wrapping her arm around his waist, just the way Daphne had with Blaise._

"No, you two go ahead. I have business." Draco said, giving a soft sigh.

Daphne nodded and pulled Blaise back, as she began to walk out, "If you get bored, you know where to find us."

"Cheers mate!" Blaise winked at him and picked Daphne back up to give her a large kiss on the lips.

When they were gone, Draco sat there, staring into absolutely nothing and sighed. Perhaps some fresh air would do him good. Besides it was his favorite time of the year, he liked the snow, it would help him relax. He rose from the bed and too his trunk, pulling out his thick wool cloak, his jumper, leaving his tie alone, and his Slytherin gloves. He dressed hastily, not bothering with checking up on his hair or the way his uniform looked, and left he dormitory. A few pair of eyes watched him leave, and Tracey Davis followed him, stopping him at the door.

She was pretty witch, in a rough way. She was much taller than Pansy, at least five inches, and was almost eye level to Draco. She would have been prettier if she didn't ware so much makeup, he thought. Her face was round and she had long blonde hair that curled around her face. "She's not going to come back, Draco."

"Go away."

She protested, "No. Stay here. Don't go looking for her. She'll come back when she's ready."

"I'm not looking for her, I'm going to go for a walk. Now move." Draco barked threw gritted teeth. He didn't have to say again, but Tracey made sure to give him one of her hard glares as he pushed her away. "Bitch…" He said once outside the common room.

Where too go, Draco said to himself. He didn't want to go bother Blaise and Daphne, and whomever else they had dragged into their game, perhaps Pansy was with them. Defiantly not going there. The forest was too dark at this time and the Quidditch pitch was frozen over. The lake was the only real place left, unless he wanted to go to that Giant's. Um, no thanks. Why couldn't Hogwarts have place set up especially for people to sit at, beside the courtyard, which was where they were playing. It would have to be the lake.

He was never one to sneak around alone at night, though, he did find it a bit claming to get away. And as soon as he made it to the grounds, he could feel himself starting to calm down even more. It was quiet, he liked that, and it was dark, that made it all the more better. He followed the trail from other students footprints from that afternoon out to the lake, and then took a sharp turn, without even really thinking about it and began to go toward his spot. Perhaps that was the only way he would calm down without having to actually hex someone, was to got that spot for a good sulk.

But when he arrived, Draco silently wished he had hexed someone instead. There was Pansy, curled up in a small ball, her cloak and robes thrown over her, and her wand held tightly in her fist. She had to be cold.

"What are you doing here? Go away." She hissed, not even turning to look at who had arrived.

Draco narrowed his eyes and stared at her. "I didn't come for you---"

"---I don't care."

"Your shivering, Pansy." He said, watching her shoulders shake slightly.

She turned her face toward him, and Draco made a mental note to seriously allow his Lord to punish him next time because he deserved it. Her face was slightly puffy, her cheeks stained, and her face lifeless. "I said go away, Malfoy."

"I want to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about. Your point was clearly made." Pansy hissed, standing up, wrapping her cloak around her tighter. "I thought I knew you. But I guess that it really is impossible to know a Malfoy."

Draco felt anger flare in his lungs. "Stop. You don't know what's going on, because I was trying to protect you, Pansy! You don't know, because I didn't want you to get dragged into this. I wanted to tell you, believe me, and I came fairly close several times. I did it because if I hadn't I would lose you with my family. I don't want that."

"Well, you didn't try hard enough," Snapped Pansy, her tongue feeling thick. "Because you lost me along the way, didn't you?"

"Pansy---"

"No. I tried Draco, I did. I would've given up everything to be with you, Draco. Everything. All I want to know is why you're ignoring me. Why?"

God, why did she have to be such a bitch? Why couldn't she just forget it? He knew that the truth had to come out, and now was bound to be the time. "Do you remember the train ride here, Pansy? This year?"

"Don't change the subject."

"It's important. Do your remember me telling you about following the Dark Lord?" She stared at him. "When they took father, I became his new pet. His new puppet to pay for my father's actions… I---"

"No… Please tell me you didn't… Oh god---"

"--- I had too---"

"---But---"

"--- He would've killed me." He finished. She just stared at him. No longer did she look like she was fighting her tears back, now they were falling freely. Falling past her small nose and off her chin. Melting the snow they landed on. He couldn't watch her. It hurt.

"No."

He sighed. Lowering his head in shame, in guilt that the future he had once planned to hold with her was forever gone. He didn't even look up at her when she walked over to him, running a placid porcelain hand over his left arm and hooking her finger under his sleeve. He sucked in a breath as she pulled it up over the dull marking in his arm. There was about two seconds before she collapsed into his arms, sobbing. And Draco just held on to her like she was going to float away.

His knees were too weak to hold him up. He dragged her down with him into the snow, holding her against his body. His own tears falling into her dark ebony hair. "I'm sorry." It was all he could say, the only thing he body would allow him to say. He had rarely said that before, and not in that manor, not in a way that he actually meant.

Time passed, and her tears lessened into nothing but dry sobs. "Please… Please…" She just said it over and over again, not allowing herself to finish the sentence she wanted to say. "What do you have to do?"

He hesitated at this. He lifted her face at her chin, allowing their gaze to equal as he spoke, "Something I could never do. Pansy, no matter what happens, please, don't forget me. Don't leave me. I will be back for you."

"What?"

"I have to… I have to kill… Dumbledore, Pansy. Those girls you saw with me in that cupboard, Pansy, that was Crabbe and Goyle. They've been drinking polyjuice potion all year to help me. During Christmas, we stayed here, and they've been secretly helping me find a way into allowing Death Eaters into Hogwarts…"

"When?" She choked.

He caressed her face slightly. "Soon, Pansy. Soon." Said Draco, pulling her closer to him again, and tucking her head into his arms. "We can get married, Pansy."

She pulled away, looking at him stunned. "You- You want to marry me?"

He half chuckled at her and bent down, kissing the tip of her pink nose. "I always have. I want to kiss every freckle on your body and run my fingers threw your hair."

"I love you, Draco." She whispered, kissing him before he could reply.

When she pulled away, he stared at her, her dark hair sprinkled with snow, even in her eyelashes, her cheeks and nose pink, and her lips. He wanted to paint a new picture in his mind.

"I love you, my flower. Remember that."

* * *

**A/N:** Fluff-fluff. I do have to say, I actually like this one. I wrote this for you, Lisa-Marie (**Tomsbabe136**). She inspired me to write it, and I thank you! I hope you liked. I'm not good with fluff, hope it wasn't **too** much. A little thank you note to my good friend Av, for helping me get this out too.

--_Isabella_


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